Psycho

 This process of relating my psychotic experience feels vital to me, as if writing it down could possibly make sense of it all.

If the Universe is infinite, where is its center? Certainly it's wherever You must be. From my own perspective, You are everywhere.

How can a human Master be as God to His slave? Woman must defer to her man the same.

For so long tortured inside and out, all I wanted was a good man for whom to bear healthy children. It's my true passion. Indeed, this is the task achieved by my every ancestor. This is the task assigned to every human female, like or not, accept or reject, the fact remains. We are here to serve humanity, mankind, cock.

The transgender question always confused me. "These thoughts in my head... so I can't trust myself anymore. I'm dying again. I'm going under, drowning in You. I'm falling forever." - Evanescence

I can't define man or woman, nor can I presume to announce the legitimacy of gender or lack thereof. I myself am an enigma, as so many of us are, especially among neurodivergents. For myself, though, I exist to serve one human, male Master. I've known for several years now that this has always been my purpose. He is as God to me.

Naturally, making a man into a God is a tricky business, hence the necessity for the involvement of a trickster deity. Loki first came to me on my back porch during one of my trademark naps, but I denied Him. He was too frightening. Now I channel Him regularly.

For a while I thought Hades was the One. This is mainly due to the cultural prevalence of Greek mythology and the prominent love story of himself and Persephone. She is nothing to be trifled with, a true dread goddess. I respect the two of them endlessly. I believed Hades was the one who accounts for all souls, who knows the cruelties endured by his people during their often short lives. His wife brought the gifts of springtime and hope to an ancient and lost people, the souls of the dead. Every animal I have loved and most recently my grandfather has reported to the Underworld just exactly what sort of person I am. I believe to have won their favor in this way.

Now I believe in Hel, daughter of Loki. My knowledge on the subject is severely limited, however.

Most of the beliefs I have hodgepodged together are to cope with the tragic experiences of my young life. I was loved first and best by one from whom I was torn away, never to return. And I do mean never. I gave my life instead to a stranger, under whose roof, unbeknownst to him, I dedicated myself to the old gods for the first time. It wasn't long before sanity escaped me and the girl I once was died for good.

A spiritual awakening the likes of mine own is a tumultuous experience. I believed myself to be Jesus returned, at least for a moment or two. I received divine messages in solitary confinement where I watched the eclipse long before it came to pass. 

I believe we are in a time of collective awakening. It manifests in bizarre and inexplicable ways. The folks I met in psych wards have been either tortured by demons or blessed by angels, and you could easily tell which was which. 

I myself am "God's favorite flavor. I'm blessed and highly favored." - Princess Nokia